Look at us, all dolled up, snazzy suit, expensive ass dress, it would be our most favorite day. One thing people don’t know is we almost didn’t go thru with it. My wife almost called off our Elopement because of the night we had before. You know people assume, with a female dating a female it must be easy. They say things like “You must be like the best of friends, share clothes, agree on everything, know each other’s every quirk and are sensitive with one another.” Long pause…..slight giggle and an eye roll later I crush their delusional idea of a lesbian couple and remind them how awful they tend to be during their menstrual cycle, the crankiness, bloating, painful cramps, mood swings, and dyer cravings…..now imagine the person you’re married to ALSO going through the SAME cycle at the same time. FUN! Bravo to the men who cracked the code and know when the signs are there and know what’s following. THE END OF DAYS, for 4-7 days a month. Back to the story behind the photo above. I have always had a very tough time dealing with my emotions, expressing my emotions and recognizing those emotions. My wife used to not express her feelings, didn’t discuss them, nor did she recognize she had more than three (sad, mad, happy) . I could express all 27 but most I did in an unhealthy way. It made us bump heads when an issue arose and sometimes it would lead to a train wreck, a wreck sometimes that left us crippled for days. It was breaking our hearts how we just couldn’t communicate with one another our feelings, our concerns. The night before our elopement day we drank way too much and with all the feelings leading up to our big weekend, something was triggered in me and it wasn’t a good trigger. I exploded. I don’t remember what I said or did but I remember yelling, lots of yelling and I know it’s always me who takes it too far. I woke up the next day and the women I loved and was supposed to marry didn’t even want to look at me. She had so much disappointment on her face. It took an hour for us to talk but she broke down in the shower and told me she couldn’t marry me. I died inside. It’s like every beautiful, joyful moment of our life together that was framed and hung on the walls inside my body all came crashing down. I knew it was not one day that made her feel that way but a pattern of moments like that night that weighed on her and I knew I was at fault. We ran an errand mere hours before the time our guest was supposed to arrive in town and we didn’t know how to tell them we weren’t getting married. We drove in silence, trying to find the words to tell our friends without over-explaining I was a terrible fiancee. She cried and I cried and she told me she loved me so much and didn’t want to not marry me, she just didn’t know how to fix our situation. She told me that as a soon to be wife, spouse, partner that the good comes with the bad and if she gave up on me before we even got married then she shouldn’t get married. She reminded me how much she adored me and why she chose to let her guard down and want to get married to anyone at all. I looked at her and promised her that I would be a better human for me and for her and for us and we got married that day, Every worry we had melted away the moment we slid into our elopement attire. People say you should do things to better yourself and I know it’s WAY easier said than done but this human I married, was the person I needed to be better for because the way she looks at me when I spark joy in her, reminds me I’m not too far off from being a good human. I try and have tried every day since then to do things healthier, forgive her easier, say less but do more, say more and do less, remind her she’s important and beautiful because it’s so true. She’s a hottie. I almost lost THEE love of my wife because I didn’t think I had a significant enough purpose to be a sensitive, soft, compassionate person when I had relationships with people of all kinds of relationships where I had to stay guarded. She is the first adult in my whole life I have never, ever, ever, ever had to feel guarded with. I tell her she grosses me out how perfect she is sometimes but I’m just being silly. I’ve accepted FINALLY that humans like her exist and every day I prove to her how worthy I am to have her. So…..NO it’s not that easy being with a woman…when the women in talks is ME lol. We celebrated our 1st wedding anniversary on Nov 10th, 2019 and I like to report she says she has never regretted marrying this hot mess.

*Note to my first readers…..I’m no writer so please consider that when reading….also my wife was distracting me during this haha